You are not special.
In adversity, people often find God. There are no atheists in the foxholes.
Me? Right now, I’ve got a ticket on the emotional rollercoaster they call unemployment, and this weekend is one screaming plunge down into the depths of depression.
Flubbed the Google phone screen. Badly. Yes, I got an interview with one of the biggest Internet companies in the world, and yes, I got a second interview. That was 45 minutes of sweaty, stammering horror. I am not optimistic about my chances. In fact, the whole Google thing is probably a write-off.
So friends tell me to pray. They tell me they’ll pray for me.
Kind of a funny time in my life to suddenly find religion.
Personally, I like iceowl’s take on the whole thing:
You are not special. You will die here, too.
Puts a lot of things in perspective.
Oh, there are a couple more belief systems I’d like to subscribe to. There’s the quantum metaphysics stuff of Penrose, or the Socinian leanings of Dyson.
Or maybe the end of the world came in 1996, but nobody bothered to tell us that right now, we’re all in Hell.
None of your belief systems make sense to me right now.
In times of desperation, people will cling to anything that will provide comfort, will provide guidance, will tell them that no matter how bad it gets, everything will turn out all right.
Everything will turn out all right.
I’d like to believe that, myself. No, I’m not an atheist. I have a deep and personal relationship with my Creator. But then, like Heinlein, I believe that that relationship is nobody’s business but my own.
Everything will turn out all right.
I’d like to believe that. I envy people who have unshakeable faith in their God.
And yes, I am such a baby. It’s only been a month and a half. Lots of other people have gone unemployed for longer stretches of time. Lots of other people have gone through, are going through worse. Lots of people go months without interviews, and I’ve plenty.
Maybe God’s telling me to give it all up.
The job market in LA sucks. Not very many IT jobs floating around. And most of those require experience in Siebel or Peoplesoft or a dozen other big software packages that someone who’s only worked for universities or government won’t ever be able to get at.
So. Move to San Francisco. Drop all my pending applications here and start the job search over again. Sure, Silicon Valley’s got more jobs, but there are also far more unemployed workers from the dotcom crash. Ah, well. Like I’ve got a choice.
Time to take stock of the losses I’ve suffered from bad decisions. Time to pack it up and move on.
Time to stop praying for miracles.
I am not special. I will die here, too.
