Christmas doesn’t mean as much here as back home. In the Philippines, the last two weeks of December (and in many cases, even the first week of January) is a long vacation, with people going off to enjoy the season with their families or planning outings with their friends.
Here you get a couple days off around christmas, if you’re lucky. I had to literally beg for Friday off on Christmas weekend, and got rewarded with an extra helping of work during the week. Oh, and no time off for New Year’s, seeing as I’m still hip deep in code on a Sunday.
I know, different culture and all that. Plus the fact that I’m not a regular employee, and thus don’t have little things like sick leave or vacation days. I’m beginning to miss working for the government.
Oh, well. Lack of time off means people try to cram in as much enjoyment as they can in the little time they’re alloted. Weekends are pre-booked months in advance. I miss being able to nip off after work and go somewhere for dinner or a movie with friends on an hour’s notice.
Anyway. Holidays are over, it’s back to months and months of grinding. Tax time in two weeks, which means the government’s gonna take its pound of flesh. And more grinding after that.
And it’s depressing to look before you and see that the road ahead consists of more of the same.
Reading e-mails from my friends who have been working in the IT industry since graduation, it’s only hitting me that it’s always been like that. And they’ve been telling me about "working in the real world" for years, but it’s always been an abstract concept. Until now.
Well, it’s only been four months at this job, anyway. Things may change. I might change. I might learn to like this daily grind, or at least get used to it. Get used to the pace, get used to not having enough time to polish your code or debug it fully before it’s shipped off to the customer and you’re pulled into yet another, new project. Coping with requirements that change every other day, despite the care and due diligence you put into fixing the project requirements so you can actually get some work done instead of chasing a moving target.
Coping with frustration and disappointment and deadlines that keep getting moved up. Coping with lack of nutrition and exercise and sunlight.
I guess everybody else has had to cope with that in the past, and I’ve come a little late to the game. And I’ve no right to complain, I’ve had it pretty good the past fifteen years, and now its payback time.
Oh, well. I’m not fully committed yet, I haven’t put down ANY roots here or anywhere else. I can go chasing some other life in some other place if I so choose. I still haven’t left the crossroads, I’ve just started shuffling reluctantly down one of the paths, but there’s still time to pick one of the others.
I’m still undecided about my life. And there’s no real big, impending reason to make a decision anytime soon - I’m single, unattached, no kids - no real responsibilities except to myself.
So. Now it’s the new year, and maybe it’s time I put down some resolutions, some decisions based on how I want my life to turn out for the next 365 days.
Or maybe not. Maybe I don’t want to make any decisions yet. Maybe I’m waiting for a sign.
Or maybe I’m just that scared rabbit in the headlights, frozen in terror at the prospect of impending squishy doom.
